A:  Thanks so much for writing to us with this question. I am sorry about your situation.

I have no way of knowing why your granddaughter feels as she does but it may be to your advantage—and hers—to try and understand. In families, nothing happens in a vacuum—each individual affects the whole—so maybe some family counseling would be in order—especially if you suspect that the child or children of this young mother may be affected. Sometimes, a dispassionate third-person can really help with gaining the proper perspective on the situation as a whole. And sometimes the safe environment of professional counseling can encourage inner honesty.

I am not a professional, but I do know with certainty that the rigors of being a single parent can bring out the worst in someone who is unhappy in that stressful and high-responsibility role. Your granddaughter simply may have resentments over her situation, or she may feel she has legitimate resentments against one or more family members over one thing or another. Her seeming outward anger may be masking something deeper. Again, I am no professional, but if it was me, I might try to get to the “heart” of the matter with her.

In the end, we are all responsible for our own behavior, our own thoughts and our own feelings. Most people don’t even realize they possesses the ability to change these things in ourselves—especially the thoughts. If you are a Urantia Book reader, you know that God indwells your granddaughter’s mind as surely as he indwells yours. So, do try to have a great faith that her Adjuster is working with her, and when you speak to her, be mindful of this indwelling gift in both of you, and maybe it will help raise things up a notch. When we consciously add God as our “third” in every conversation with another, we can’t help but elevate every situation. And if you are not familiar with The Urantia Book or the indwelling gift of the Father, please click on the underlined links.

Again, I don’t know details, but in a situation like you’ve described, one can only continue to be unconditionally supportive, and to keep telling the truth to this person—that they are loved, that they are worthy, and that they will not be abandoned, no matter what. Continue to offer help, continue to help her as much as she will allow. And do it all with unconditional LOVE.

Does your granddaughter have a spiritual life? Maybe you are already praying, and if so, keep it up. If not, start. Family and individual prayers for her may not change the situation, but they will bolster your own resolve and good intentions for her. If she is minded towards it, you could try praying WITH her. This act will elevate the situation above the earthly and place it into the hands of the divine. And even if she won’t do this with you, prayers for her inner peace and for God’s guidance will raise everyone into a new perspective of the situation. Prayer often affords helpful insights that cannot be gotten any other way.

From The Urantia Book:

And other passages about effective prayer (bolding is mine):

Finally, just try to maintain your loving attitude of helpfulness and above all—kindness—towards this young mother and her child(ren). Count yourselves fortunate that you are in a position to help and serve, and just do your best to keep a positive attitude—an attitude of expectant faith that all will work out to the good. Telegraph this good news to her by your continued loving behavior.

Thanks again for writing with this very personal problem. I hope that my reply has been of some help to your today. I will add your granddaughter—and all of your family—into my prayers today, and for the next week or so.