A:  I am so sorry that you are unhappy in your new marriage. This is a difficult situation to be in, and I can sympathize with you. I can understand what you mean about feeling totally collapsed, as I experienced something like that when I married many years ago. It might be as simple a phenomonon as a traditional case of “cold feet.”

Am I correct in assuming that you are having feelings of being trapped in a decision that seemingly cannot be undone?

It sounds to me that you are being disabled by fear, and that is certainly not a good place to be, as fear will completely stop you from making progress. And fear will not allow love to be part of the solution. Fear and love cannot exist together.You must calmly and dispassionately assess your situation, and allow your intellect to work for you—do not allow yourself to be undone by this fear. Once you can see the situation clearly and without fear, you will begin to see where a solution may lie.

You say that your marriage is one of love, and that’s the really good news. Love is always a good place to start…

Perhaps you can lay out your concerns to your husband. Surely, he is able to see that you are not the happy bride that he married, and confiding your inner self to him might help more than you can know, as he surely wants to see you happy once again. Together, you may be able to create a solution. I am sure that he will not expect you to fulfill a promise that was made in haste, or with an immature outlook. No one wants to live a life with a partner who is always unhappy. He may be willing to give you some time to yourself to help you to come to grips with these concerns. I hesitate to suggest any solutions here, but encourage you to confide in your husband.

Marriage is difficult at times, and perhaps you were not prepared for the changes that would have to be made within yourself. But this does not automatically mean that the marriage should be abandoned. Even if you feel right now that marriage is just not for you, you must also think about your future, and whether you might someday find that this marriage really was a good thing. You don’t want to wake up one day and feel regret that you threw your marriage away in haste. Whatever you do, go slowly in finding a solution. Don’t panic! As long as you are not being threatened or hurt, there is time for a solution to work itself out of this seeming chaos in your mind. Let your husband help you. He will likely be happy to know you really trust him.

Try to see the good in the life that you now have. Again, do this dispassionately—as if you were seeing your self and your life from the outside—and honestly assess whether your fears are justified. You may even find that you have a very good life, indeed!

And prayer will surely help you now…pray for insight and direction and wisdom for both you and your husband. Allowing God into the situation always helps. If it seems right, perhaps you and your husband can pray together for the best way to solve this problem…there is no situation that cannot be helped when we sincerely seek God’s help.

Thank you writing—I will pray for you as well, and I trust that with intelligent reflection and time, you will be able to put your fears to rest. Once that is done, and you can feel the love and enthusiasm you once felt, the pieces will likely fall into place as they should be.”