Q: I am still in love with my ex husband. How can I move on?
A: I appreciate that you are feeling sad and dealing with lost love in your life. It is always distressing when we find ourselves in a situation where we regret the past. Lost love can be especially painful.
I am not sure what you mean when you ask if God has something to do with your being unable to forget your ex-husband. Your memories are your memories, gained from your experiences. God is aware of them, as you are, but God is only there to help you. Maybe you feel that you have unfinished business with your ex—this could make it more difficult to move forward…feeling that you are still in love with him is certainly a strong reason not to be able to forget.
At a time like this, God can be your refuge—your firm foundation—your hiding place—as you learn to live on your own again. God knows all about your situation, and you will do well to lay it all out before him in a time of quiet reflection. But—does God really understand?
From The Urantia Book:
1:5.16 It is literally true: “In all your afflictions he is afflicted.” “In all your triumphs he triumphs in and with you.” His prepersonal divine spirit is a real part of you…The Universal Father realizes in the fullness of the divine consciousness all the individual experience of the progressive struggles of the expanding minds and the ascending spirits of every entity, being, and personality of the whole evolutionary creation of time and space. And all this is literally true, for “in him we all live and move and have our being.”
Because God dwells within your mind, he is as close as a thought. So, rely on him, talk to him, listen to him in quiet and meditative receptivity.
Even though you may never be able to forget about your ex, close relationship with God may help you to gain a new view of your relationship, and a more hopeful view of your future. In time, the wistful love you now feel for your ex-husband may be transformed into a whole new way of looking at him, at your lost marriage, and for deciding how things might be different and better in your future. If you do have unfinished business regarding your marriage, close communication with God will help you decide the best course of action.
Also, seek out your human friends. Sorrow shared is sorrow halved. And, look for someone that you can help. Service for another always helps us to take our minds off of our own troubles for a time:
160:2.9 …Difficulties, sorrow, disappointment, and defeat are more painful and disheartening when borne alone. Association does not transmute evil into righteousness, but it does aid in greatly lessening the sting. Said your Master, “Happy are they who mourn” —if a friend is at hand to comfort. There is positive strength in the knowledge that you live for the welfare of others, and that these others likewise live for your welfare and advancement. Man languishes in isolation. Human beings unfailingly become discouraged when they view only the transitory transactions of time. The present, when divorced from the past and the future, becomes exasperatingly trivial. Only a glimpse of the circle of eternity can inspire man to do his best and can challenge the best in him to do its utmost. And when man is thus at his best, he lives most unselfishly for the good of others, his fellow sojourners in time and eternity.
Before you can “move on,” embrace where you are right now—ask God’s help in seeing things with the eyes of the Spirit, and pray for wisdom and spiritual strength. Consider this quote:
48:7.14 12. The greatest affliction of the cosmos is never to have been afflicted. Mortals only learn wisdom by experiencing tribulation.
So—use this time to face your difficulties squarely and fearlessly. Regain your center by becoming closer with your heavenly Spirit Father. Seek out sympathetic friends and service opportunities. In time, God will help you to create a new future for yourself—and who knows? In time, you may love again…
Thanks again for writing to us with your heartfelt question. I sympathize, and I hope that my suggestions in this reply are helpful to you.