A father is one whose daughter marries a man who is vastly her inferior, but then gives birth to unbelievably brilliant grandchildren. ~ Anonymous

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. ~ Jim Bishop

A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~ Anonymous

For Father’s Day we got my dad a t-shirt that says: “Do not resuscitate.” He wears it whenever my mom takes him to the ballet. ~ Greg Tamblyn

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~ Bill Cosby

On Father’s Day, I’m doing something for my dad that he’s wanted for years. I’m getting a job. ~ Melanie White

Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really. ~ Dave Barry