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What I Had Been Unconsciously Seeking All My Life

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The time was June 1972. My world was closing in on me. I was grasping to hang on to life, but I didn't know why. I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually bankrupt. I contemplated murder, but ruled that out as I would probably get caught. I then contemplated suicide, and after some thinking ruled that out as I might be missing something really beautiful that life had to offer.

You see, I had become an alcoholic - me, the perfect mother, wife, and hostess. At least, I had tried to be all these things, but I couldn't, so I drank. My husband Dick had sought help for me through Alanon in February of 1971. At their instruction he had ceased to talk to me or take me anywhere. He was constantly gone. I felt as though I had been abandoned. We had five children who were left to grow up on their own as I certainly was in no condition to be of any help to them.

From the time Dick went into Alanon, I became very resentful of AA and Alanon and blamed them for what had happened to my family. I wanted to get sober, but I didn't want to go to the program. I thought there must be some other way, so I started seeking answers to my problems by reading any book I could get my hands on, from self-help to the occult to The Bible to some of the well- known philosophers. I liked what I read, but that was all it was - interesting reading. I took no action on any knowledge that I acquired from these writings.

Finally, on June 26, 1972, I reluctantly went to an AA meeting with an uncle. I thought just going would get everyone off my back, but it didn't and I didn't stay sober.

A short time after I had begun attending AA, Dick called to read some stories from a book he had found at a local bookstore. It was The Urantia Book. Everything he read to me rang true. He finally brought the book home. When I saw the size of it, I thought I could never wade through such a monstrous thing and urged him to audiotape it so I could listen to it while doing my wifely and motherly chores.

He started taping and I listened to the tapes just as fast as he could tape them. When he had finished I felt confident that I could tackle reading it, so I went out and bought myself a book. For the next few years, it was difficult to get my head out of it. I never left the house without it and many times I sat in a coffee shop after an AA meeting until the wee hours of the morning, reading until Dick picked me up. The Urantia Book became my text, and the Twelve Steps became my tools. I took my last and final drink on October 5, 1972.

I have been studying the contents of the book ever since. I owe my life to my God, The Urantia Book, and the AA way of life. I shall be eternally grateful for all that has happened to me, for without those experiences I would not be where I am today, and the chances are very good that I would never have found what I had been unconsciously seeking all my life.