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Thank You Father

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As a child, I was always really spiritual. I prayed all the time, when ever and where ever I could.

When I was about 5, I always asked my dad about things I didn't understand. I remember watching a news story about a little girl about my age dieing in a flood that happened. The moment I saw this, I turned to my dad and asked him why God let her die. He thought for a moment, eating some peanuts like he does, and said "Because God decided it was her time." This affected me a lot, considering this was the first time I ever knew about death.

I started to pray like I always did. It was not unusual for people to find me in my room just talking to God about regular things, like how I love Him like my dad, that I can't see Him but I sure do know He's here with me. I would often ask me if He could talk back. I never really read the Bible, and I went to church only a few times that I can remember.

I used to lie in bed at night and ask God about Jesus. I asked Him if He could help me to understand Him better. When I was 8, I used to think a lot about why things in the world were so bad. I asked God one day "Why can't we all just be in Heaven?"

Not very long after, it occurred to me that we are here so we can learn. We have to go through this life so we can choose between good and evil, because God wants us to love Him, but He would never force us to, so we have to make that decision. I think this was one of those few times where the Thought Adjuster found it wise to give me a little bit more understanding.

When I was twelve I went to my grandparent's house in Oregon for the weekend. I found a Bible there and read Revelations. After I read it my first thought was "Someone made a mistake, God would never do this!" This really bugged me. Later that year I went to a Bible study class. I was not so sure about the Bible, being as I had never read more than a few pages of it. The pastor started out by saying to everyone that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and that only by his death can God forgive us. This really bothered me, because I knew very little about Jesus, but I knew a lot about God, I mean I talked to Him all the time; and this just didn't seem like Him. I said to him "Are you sure? Why does someone else have to die? Why can't I just ask God myself for forgiveness?" He explained to me that Adam and Eve first sinned, and all men have sinned since. He said that God is righteous and sin must be punished.

He gave me a Bible to read, and for almost a year I was immersed in it. After I had read a lot of it, my stepmother and I had a talk about evolution and creationism. After a while she said "Here, I want to give you something." She gave me A History of the Urantia Papers.

We went to pick up a pizza in town and I asked her about The Urantia Book all the way there. One day later I bought my own copy. I read the first 100 pages, and I was in a dilemma: The Bible or The Urantia Book. It was then that I went directly to God, my last resort. This was my prayer:

"Father, I'm not talking to the Eternal Son or Jesus or the Infinite Spirit or the Holy Spirit or whatever, I'm talking to you. You have always been there for me, and now I am unsure what to believe. If Satan does have an influence, I ask for you to make sure he has no power in this. This is for my eternal soul, and I need you. Please my Father, help me, and give me the wisdom to see the truth."

At that moment, I felt like the Father talked back, and it just hit me that God is my Father, Jesus is my Brother, and God is with me. I was reminded that nothing that is for God can be against Him, and The Urantia Book is definitely for God. I believe that this was the Adjuster speaking to me, and ever since me and the Father have been close.