A: Wow—I am sorry to hear that you feel the way you do. It's hard to go through life thinking that you are not loved—or even liked. I wonder what could have happened to you to make you feel this way...? and I am sure that SOMETHING must have happened to make you this unhappy...
Sometimes, when we experience an unhappy event in our lives—especially if it is something that happens to us as a child, we can go through an "imprinting" process—just like what a programmer does to a computer. That programming can stay in place for a long time, until the data is corrected.
People who have received a faulty message about themselves in childhood about their worth as a human being tend to carry this programming with them into their adult lives. And when we think of ourselves that way, it is difficult for us to project an attitude of confidence or happiness to the world around us. We tend to attract more of the same—more validation that we are unlovable. Oftentimes, we don't think about—or even remember clearly—what the original event was, but nonetheless, it colors our subsequent experiences in a negative way.
I could be wrong—but, not knowing anything about you except what you have written, I suspect that this is what has happened to you. No child is naturally unlovable—in fact, children are born quite loving, optimistic, and friendly. They are peacemakers and playmates with others, if allowed to grow naturally and with love.
So, what to do???
First of all, there is nothing "wrong" with you—but there probably is something wrong with your thinking. If you believe that no one likes you, the place to start is by asking yourself: "Do I like myself?" If you have received wrong information about yourself, your answer is probably "no." But there is a way to correct this...
The Urantia Book teaches us that each of us is a completely unique personality—and that unique personality is bestowed on each person by God himself. There never has been, nor will there ever be, another personality like you. And each of us is destined to one day be returned to God on Paradise. While we are here on earth, God sends a part of himself to dwell within your mind. The Urantia Book calls this fragment of God the Thought Adjuster. This indwelling Spirit is there to help you to come to know God and to be like him—and to accomplish your purpose in life.
God is a totally lovable personality. Since your personality comes from God, it has to follow that you, too, are a lovable person because there is nothing in God that is bad or unlovable. This is the good news that you need to hear and to believe: God is your heavenly Father, and you are his beloved child.
I want to share with you some Urantia Book quotes about your worth as a person:
(5:1.7) Man is spiritually indwelt by a surviving Thought Adjuster. If such a human mind is sincerely and spiritually motivated, if such a human soul desires to know God and become like him, honestly wants to do the Father's will, there exists no negative influence of mortal deprivation nor positive power of possible interference which can prevent such a divinely motivated soul from securely ascending to the portals of Paradise.
(12:7.9) The love of the Father absolutely individualizes each personality as a unique child of the Universal Father, a child without duplicate in infinity, a will creature irreplaceable in all eternity. The Father's love glorifies each child of God...The love of God strikingly portrays the transcendent value of each will creature, unmistakably reveals the high value which the Universal Father has placed upon each and every one of his children from the highest creator personality of Paradise status to the lowest personality of will dignity among the savage tribes of men in the dawn of the human species on some evolutionary world of time and space.
(100:6.3) The marks of human response to the religious impulse embrace the qualities of nobility and grandeur. The sincere religionist is conscious of universe citizenship and is aware of making contact with sources of superhuman power. He is thrilled and energized with the assurance of belonging to a superior and ennobled fellowship of the sons of God. The consciousness of self-worth has become augmented by the stimulus of the quest for the highest universe objectives—supreme goals.
Jesus placed a very high value upon mankind:
(196:2.10) He taught men to place a high value upon themselves in time and in eternity. Because of this high estimate which Jesus placed upon men, he was willing to spend himself in the unremitting service of humankind. And it was this infinite worth of the finite that made the golden rule a vital factor in his religion. What mortal can fail to be uplifted by the extraordinary faith Jesus has in him?
These are but a few inspiring quotes about your worth as a person.
I would also invite you to have a look at our topical studies on
One of the greatest things you can do to raise your self-esteem is to perform some kind of service for someone else—someone who cannot repay you for your kindness. This is one sure way to make friends. Again, from The Urantia Book:
(130:7.2) When Ganid [a young Indian] inquired what one could do to make friends, having noticed that the majority of persons whom they chanced to meet were attracted to Jesus, his teacher said: "Become interested in your fellows; learn how to love them and watch for the opportunity to do something for them which you are sure they want done," and then he quoted the olden Jewish proverb—"A man who would have friends must show himself friendly."
It may be difficult for you at first to stop thinking of yourself as an unlovable person, but I can promise you that if you read some of the links I have given you, sincerely think about what you read with an open mind and a desire to become happier, and then honestly put yourself out there in service to another, you WILL experience an increase in your own self-worth. Not only that, you will become happier. And happy people naturally attract more of the same. We reap what we sow...so begin today to sow some seeds of friendship, and you will reap the reward.
Even though you may have gotten off on the wrong foot at some point in your life, there is no time like the present to make things right. No one can do it for you, but your heavenly Father will go with you every step of the way. Learn to talk with God in your mind, and learn to listen to his gentle direction in your day-to-day life. The fact that you took the time and trouble to write your heart-felt question to our site means to me that God is somehow leading you to some valuable truths about him, and about yourself through the truths of The Urantia Book I hope you'll visit us often and let us know how you are doing..."