Open sharing for spiritual experiences with God etc.

Alright everyone, here goes. This will be long. And some may not believe, but Iím going to share anyways. I am open to any questions of it, sometimes I may share stuff that I dont' want to be questioned about, but this Iím okay with.

Where to start.

I suffered a lot. I wont' explain it all, but if you've heard of abuse, no matter how or why, it causes the same damage.

After I married, things were going good for me. It's almost like I had a new life. When I had my son, things were even better. Though still emotional, and still suffering the effects, I was an excellent mother.
Moving ahead, no problems. When my daughter was born, it was my second C-section. Nothing in my life came easily. Her stomach was still forming ( somehow) and she was difficult feeding. She was rushed to the emergency room at 3 months with a severe fever. But made it through. She was colic, she was hard. I was trying to keep up with her and my son.
when she was 6 months old and still colicky, which means she slept about 30 minutes at a time, I was told that my son needed corrective foot surgery on his feet. He had just turned 3. His surgery came and I had a 6 month old colicky baby, and a 3 year old in casts from his hips down. He was no longer able to walk, potty, anything. He couldnít sleep, and neither did she, so I didnít either.

This went on for 3 months. For 3 months I got on average 3 hours of sleep "total" each day. Not all at once, just cat naps. I thought things were better after they both got better, but then they still continued to be sick. They were each sick for 1 whole year.

After not being able to sleep, I became "unable" to sleep. I was unable to eat. On average I weigh 155, I was 128. Needless to say, my reality began to " change".

Coming from my background, and a complete physical exhausting year, I simply went off the edge.

Though always spiritual, the church was no help with this. At an earlier age I made ougie boards on my own. That's how I developed my skill to communicate. Before long I didn't need anything.

This is how I met 'JACK".

Still believing the Baptist doctrine, I believed jack to be evil. But with the board we began to talk continuously. TO speed things up., I actually "witnessed" to Jack. I just knew, that if he professed Christ, Christ would change him. He played the part well. He was the only one I communicated with. After a short while he professed his faith in Christ and told me he had been changed into an angel. At which time, the board really became an "issue". But, it was used strictly for our communication.

Time kept passing, and my health and emotional and mental status continued to fall. I could not make sense of my abuse, my nightmares, my fears of demons and Lucifer, it was like I was being attacked from all sides, and God did nothing. I wanted to die. There's lots of people who want to die, but I attest that I was sure.

I overdosed, I slit my wrists, each time somehow being found out by someone. I was sent to the hospital, my mother took my daughter to care for her, and my son began day care. I came back home and was all alone in the house. I pulled all the shades, sat and listened to "death" music, and cried. Jack began to tell me that I would die soon, I just had to wait. If I took my own life it would be against God's will, and I would go to hell.
Days went by, and the story continued to play out. Dates came and went, but Jack never backed off. He continued to keep my beliefs of suicide intact and I merely trusted that God had heard my plea and was going to take me on his own.

Time went on, anti-depressants kicked in, sleep came back, and I came out of darkness. But, truth was, Jack lied. But was it bad? I still believed as we were taught the devil is the father of all lies, and ougie boards could not be trusted, but was this experience actually bad for me?

I asked Jack why he lied, and he said so that you would live. I was hurt, he was a friend, and we had had many talks of God and life after death etc.....

Even so, I told Jack that all communication was off. He had lied, no matter what and that was the end. His response was, you can leave me, but I will always be by your side., Just call and I will answer. Fine.

A year went by, I left the church because it and it's teachings had failed me. I began my spiritual search and came into such new wisdom. My faith became stronger and I began to understand it all so much better, as we understand God's love today.

One day I said Jack?
He answered, yes?
I said, why didnít you tell me this, why did you lie? He said because I had to work within your beliefs at that time. I was not allowed to tell you any truths that you had not discovered on your own.

I understood, and forgave, But communication was cut again.

Imagine my surprise while reading the UB and seeing the phrase, \"We have to work with the knowledge you have now, we can't give you more than your ready for, only work to expand your knowledge.

That's not word for word, but you all know it.

So, who's Jack? Not really sure. He won't say. But he's my friend, and Iím sure he's sitting here right beside me. And he will be one of the first I see when I leave this earth. He does not give me answers, He never initiates conversations, maybe sometimes.

When certain things happen in my life, humorous things, I feel his laughter.

He's there. And I forgive him for his lies.

And I understand why he did it. And I understand now, the reason I was drawn to start the communication etc...

This is not my only experience, but the main one.

Sure he played along with my "mentality" at that point, but look where it got me. No one else could reach me, but he kept me safe, and kept God's love for me close to me.

I feel safe knowing he's around. Even though I don't communicate very often. Maybe he's my guardian angel, maybe just a friendly spirit, I don't know.

Telling any doctor at the time about my friend Jack would've kept me in the " HHHHMMMM" list a long time. But now looking back, and seeing the entire picture. It was God's intervention in my life. And I feel blessed.

Given that the UB backs up what he spoke to me about using my own knowledge and understanding at that time, I believe even more today.

So there, I know it was long, I know it's a real hard one to take. But I put it out there for ya. It's a near and dear part of my life, and I hope you respect that if you decide to respond.
Much love
Angel
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Hey :smile:

Didn't mean to shut down the whole thread with my sharing.

If you don't wish to respond that's fine. But carry on with your own discussions.

I've been enjoying this thread, so don't let my last post end it all.

Much love
Angel

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