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Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 1:23 pm +0000
Posts: 38
Hello all please be patient with me,

Recently in my life, I have had increasing difficulty in my relationship with my spouse. Here is a little about the situation.
I have always been an extremely insightful person, and always curious in nature. No matter how far away from the truth I got, I always came back to it, or it always found me. So it should be no surprise to my spouse that I am devoting my days and nights to learning everything I can right now. The problem is truly that I am growing at an experiential rate, and he is not. He is choosing war with me. I choose not to fight. I choose to love. I cant talk about what I learn because Its too beyond him, or it just makes him mad. He says " thats you I do!" So there seems to be a growing spiritual gulf between us.

The weird thing about all of this, is before I got back into TUB, I was constantly angry lol. I was yelling and drinking every weekend. I was smoking cigarettes and my perspective on my fellow man was only to judge. I could not see the effects of my causes. But now,I dont drink or smoke at all,im a Pescatarian, and my mind is OPEN! My awareness, its like a whole open world in my head with multiple routes to take. Im constantly happy and I never give any one the power to take that away. I couldn't imagine him being disappointed about my spiritual growth, especially because he grew up Christian as well. He is most comfortable praising God through Worship music, and I just find sneaky ways to do that all the time with him, and dance so that we can both praise and be happy. I can see the change in him when the spirit is in him. But all in all there is a definite struggle for me. I have absolutely no support . I have no one I know that reads TUB. I found it on my own and everything Ive ever learned, I learned by myself. My spouse really has no patience for it and he is JEALOUS of my relationship with God, and SKEPTICAL of my online Forums haha. He always give me weird looks like there is no way I could be this addicted to God... but I am. What do I do? I think of Jesus and what he would do, but he never had a relationship he always put the will of the Father first. But he did say it was good for us Mortals. I do make room for him, do not get the impression that I dont. He is truly needy and dramatic and excessive. But I love him so much. I asking for prayer that I may have support from my spouse and that he may grow to accept me and begin his own journey with the Father.

Thank You.
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Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:29 am +0000
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Our prayers are with you Sister. I have experienced a failed marriage of 25 years myself so take much salt with anything you perceive as marital advice from such a one as me (although very happily married to a reader and believer for over a decade this time - life is good). I would guide you to a couple of readings though....the first is Jesus early adulthood...He had many family, village, employment, and personal relationships and He is our example...for we are given a picture of Him in Part IV that exemplifies relationships. He was persistant, patient, and creative as son and then as head of household. Balance of mind and person are critical to progress.....and up to His baptism, Jesus progressed in mind and spirit as a human only so His example is meaningful to us all. So read of His later childhood and early adulthood for example.

Next, I would suggest that eagerness and exuberience bring energy and focus but can become self focused and less self-forgetful as we are advised. The more life is about me, the less real life becomes and the less progress made. Couples, families, and households often stablize into routines or orbits of preference choice and when they become disrupted, for any reason, this can cause tension, or apprehension, or anxieties and result in resentments or resistance....this is not unusual. Anthing can become habitual and all habits can be hard to undo. Unfortunately for couples, such misunderstanding or misalighned priorities can also insert emotional volatilities by both individuals, both feeling the other doesn't "get it" or care.

I would also suggest you study the error of impatience and its affect on our growth and study the value of expanded time units to perspective. Eternity is ours....everything has a season, eh? God carries no stop watch nor cares the speed or quickness of our progress in the illusion of lineal sequential time. Look up "tadpole". The mature mind is in no rush to discover Father's will. Indeed, it is our awareness of all that and those around us and the inter-relatedness of those and that in which truth is discovered in relationships if we are not too busy and frantic to "see". Breathe, watch, listen, discern, learn, act.....repeat.

Now there is no such thing as holy matrimony. Marriage is a social institution only. But relationships based in love are sacred. I cannot and will not advise any in the choosing or keeping of a lover, friend, or spouse. But intention and communication are key and both parties must be willing participants, nay, partners in all such cases. Professional counseling can be a wise way to establish common ground and draw closer together when it is desired by both parties. But I warn you...you can change you and you can improve you but only with self-forgetful love can you serve others and any need to change or control others will only bring disappointment, if not disaster. May you find what is in your heart and may Father bless you in His service and in love of others. Peace.
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Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 2:40 pm +0000
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Last edited by As-Above-So-Below on Fri May 10, 2013 3:45 pm +0000, edited 1 time in total.

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I like what FOV said. The only thing I would add is that it is important to have friends. :)

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Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2012 1:16 am +0000
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Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Hi truthunter,

Your post really struck a chord with me. I don't have any advice, but I can relate to the challenge of being married to someone with different views. And I can relate to the feeling of having no support. Hang in there! :smile:

The cool thing about this forum (from what I've seen) is that the people here are not only knowledgeable but they also engaging, understanding and wise to the personal and every-day aspects of faith. These are the real challenges, and so I think good on you for sharing about them. I hope you can find some insights that help things. Praying lots is of course a good idea too :smile:

kiwi
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Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2004 12:37 pm +0000
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Aloha...I can empathize with you. When I first found the UB I read everyday and so wanted to share with my boyfriend who was a agnostic and didn't want to engage...I never pushed it...to each his own... I didn't have anyone to share with for years and years...solo reader. I am so happy for this forum...the first for me and now with social media...lots of like minds to talk with and get support...Bravo for sharing your feelings, it always helps to express yourself and ease the burden...Love will find a way :)

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Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 1:23 pm +0000
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Hello all, and thank you for all your kind words and advice...

FanofVan:
Before I officially reply to this thread, I just want to say, that I follow you through three forums now, and I Love You haha. The Spirit in you Shines. Thank you for always being a stable leader. Your words always resonate deep in my soul. Thank you again for being a true thinker and a light in the dark.

And now to the topic at hand. Thank you for the suggested reading. Now you made a really good point about families stabilizing into routines or orbits and if disrupted for any reason , can cause tension. BINGO... I literally got a flashback of memories when reading this. And Im going to break off and answer two questions with one now...

As-Above-So-Below asked me :
"Have you and your spouse really talked about your differences and desires? Does he know how you feel about these things, and is there a middle ground that you both can come together on without offending each other? By your own admission, you seem to know your limitations but his reluctance to listen to what you have learned may be in your presentation rather than being beyond his ability to understand."

I am an open book. I tell my spouse, as I discern the most respectful way, everything I feel would be respectful to each other. I always try to put my spouse first. Concerning the beginning of this relationship and the sudden changes, I think that has been the hardest on him. Excluding one factor, we both grew up in the church as children. We were both on the worship team, and highly involved. We are very similar in many ways. Im much, much more curious in nature than he is, and I think thats why there is this growing gap. I just want to learn, so I lean. He doesnt. So as im expanding, his perspective isnt and our conversation become increasingly limited.

On our first date I read him the Urantia Book. He knew it was a huge part of my life. I have " Love and be Loved" with the three concentric circles tattoo'd on my left wrist. It was such a part of me , and I just dont understand how he could have mistaken that I would have ever left it!

Everyday and Night I pray for him. I do not , and cannot talk about or invite him into spiritual conservation. And honestly , I think all of this would be much easier on me if he would just accept me more than anything. I accept him. I truly do. We live with family right now, two of which are Atheist. We live in peace, and we dont judge and we can have our beliefs just fine. My spouse on the other hand, as soon as he hears about or sees me on the computer, or sees that blue book, gets so mad. Its so incredibly negative. I makes me feel like there are opposing forces of evil in the world lol. Its heavy and draining and It almost hurts. The only time he is happy as a clam is when I am not associating myself at all with it. When everything is boring and not stimulating. I think im venting now ....


boomshuka: Your probably right. Its probably a lot easier to make friends in Canada. For some reason, people in Southern Cali, females ive been acquainted with are lacking some wholesome qualities. All my childhood girl friends have moved away.

And back to As-Above-So-Below: You mentioned if I found a group "would God or Jesus want you to put them before your marriage?"

Well probably not. Im sure, like everything in life, it must have balance. So If there was a study group, which there isnt, I would be sure to attend it only once a week, maybe twice. :biggrin:


kiwi2

Your right, sometimes talking about it is all it takes. My spouse is very jealous so its really hard to make friends.His Jealousy is just a natural reaction from his own self insecurities and because he's been cheated on in the past. I sympathize with him. I used to be the same. But the Spirit fills me up, which is why I wish he would experience that too. Anyway, I feel very safe venting on the forum :wink: I pray often. I take much comfort in the spirit realm. Thank you for your thoughts.

tootsie

Thank you for sharing. And your right, I have faith Love with find a way.

Just to conclude, I know I gave a lot of negative details, maybe, about my spouse, but were all human. I wonder what someone would say about me :lol: ? Im sure Im a obsessive compulsive, day-dreamer who believes in aliens and ufos and OMG I COULD GO ON FOREVER. My point is, I love him for the things he his , not the things he isnt. I cant imagine being without him. And we actually aren't *legally married... * institutionally married... but someday( when the financials are there) we might want to be recognized legally. All in all, I want this to work, and so does he. We have trust, communication and commitment. Thats for sure!

Thank you all, and sorry for the extensive post! :-#
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