Spirit Distinctions

I listened exclusively to that Soundscapes for over a year. It mellowed me out good. But eventually it started getting on my nerves. I felt boxed in. Cushy. Mediocre. I needed some jangle! some jazz! some blues! some cacaphony! some chaos! some classical! some NOISE! I needed a bigger range of psychic action.

It was good of you to admit you are afraid of God, Arie. I have lived for periods of time completely in his will. I don't fear God. However, I fear my inability to discern what His will is for me. Even worse, I fear my will defying His will for me. I have overlooked some very obvious cues from my adjutant mind spirits, out of sheer willfulness, and paying the price for that neglect is nothing to sneeze at. Going against universe law has long-term ramifications. So, like you, I'm afraid of knowing God's will and not doing it, but not to the extent of personality extinction.

I am not afraid of where God may lead me, but I am afraid of how willing I am to allow myself to be led where my mother, my husband, my sister would lead me. I am not afraid of what may happen to me in the long run and in the short run I know that whatever it is, I won't be alone, so I am not afraid of soul extinction. My soul is alive and well and growing on its own accord. But I fear I am not reaching my capacities, being all that I could be if I let go of a lot of human considerations.

For me, there is no opposition to the alluring truths in the revelation. I subscribe to the Urantia Papers hook line and sinker. For those who find it obtuse or obscure, for those who find their answers elsewhere, go! I know that you cannot want for somebody what they don't want for themself. This takes the burden off my shoulders for their enlightenment.

I am not afraid that many Christians are going to fall; I am convinced of it. I'm not afraid of financial poverty. I spent enough years fearing that. God (a simple lifestyle and social security) has relieved me of that fear. I am not failure in the world, nor do I fear becoming a part of the world and godless secularism. I am truly a stranger in a strange land; I am in this world but not of it. I am not afraid that not all UB readers understand the gospel; I am convinced of it.

You: Do you ever get afraid that your Thought Adjuster is unceasingly working for your upliftment but you're caught up in material problems?

Me: Not in problems, but in diversions, in creature comforts.

You: Do you ever get so confused studying UB cosmology that you're more uncertain about reality?

Me: No. But experientially I have often been uncertain about reality.

You: Do you ever touch morontia goodness while it inevitably fades away behind chemical feelings and reactions?

Me: I do touch morontia goodness, yes.

You: Do you ever wonder who will ascend?

Me: Only my mother, who professes to only want to go to sleep when she dies. She manifests no conscious interest in survival, or in knowing God. In my assessment, she is a good woman, worthy of survival, but she has chosen not to survive. I don't know what God will do in her case. It's up to Him. I love her anyway.

You: Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a System Sovereign?

Me: No. I haven't got past wanting self mastery.

You: To be in charge of all those worlds and to succumb to rebellion.

Me: No. I'm more likely to START a rebellion, out of ignorance, than to succumb to somebody else's.

You: What are your spiritual thoughts and experiences?

Me: I posted most of them somewhere here on Truthbook. I was "born of the spirit" in 1968. I've consecrated myself (twice) to the reality promulgated through the UB, which has been a major influence in my life for 40 years. Jesus appeared to me in 1992. I heard my Adjuster once, in 2003. I am a woman in recovery (from the Lucifer legacy, the Adamic default, alcoholism, co-dependence, nicotine addiction, gender confusion, and Christianity) and have been living a spiritual program for 15 years. For the past 13 years I have been augmenting my spiritual life through conversations with "invisible beings," as an art form.

I just worry sometimes that my serenity is actually complaisance and that I could be doing a whole lot more than I am, in terms of service work. Or maybe it is just that lackluster you mentioned, Arie. Kinda like a steady diet of Soundscape. Or maybe it is just the fruit of the spirit "enduring peace" and I'm still learning how to get used to it.

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