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:roll: :?:
How do we do this? :roll: :smile:

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Hi Whitewolf,

To find your soul mate you must first decide what that means to you. Does it mean the perfect mate for you? What does that mean? It will help to take that person out of the realm of fantasy and put them in the realm of humanity. There are no perfect people here, so perhaps someone who shares your values and understands you is a good place to start.

I have found it really helps to get clear on what you want. So a good exercise is to write a letter to God in which you explain, in very specific terms, what you would like to have in a mate.

For example:

Quote:
Dear God,

I would like to meet someone who has a great sense of humor, likes doing things outdoors, is adventurous and easy going. She/he doesn't have to like my music but she/he should be understanding of my liking it. She/he doesn't have to have the exact same religious beliefs I have, so long as she/he is tolerant and supportive of my path to God. ....etc.

I have a friend who likes to say, "The cosmic waitress just took your order." This is a funny but true way of saying that God does want you to have the desires of your heart but he's not going to second guess you. How can God or his agents (the angels) send you the right person if you aren't even clear on what that means? You need to get clear on it and let him know what that entails once you do. But you must be realistic.

Most people resonate with others who are like-minded and the best marriages are based on shared values. So if you are spiritually minded, committed, loyal, thrifty, dependable, hardworking and adventurous, a mate who is also this way will make a better match for you. It is also a good idea to get really clear with yourself about what values you feel you bring to a relationship. For instance, it is not reasonable to expect to have a lasting relationship with someone if you are not willing to make a strong commitment to that person.

I have been married for 23 years, and beyond finding the right person, let me assure you that it takes daily effort to make a marriage type of relationship work. By effort I mean always being open and willing to listen and compromise with the other person. By very nature, two unique people coming together to become one is going to be challenging. But like everything you will ever do in life, the things that are the most difficult to achieve and those that take the most effort, i.e. a successful marriage, raising great children, getting a degree, managing a successful career, etc., will always be the source of your greatest joy and satisfaction.

I don't know if this was what you were looking for but I hope it helps.

Blessings.....Paula


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I like your reply Paula.

It's the question itself that stirs me to write because I believe that the concept of a "soul mate" is another unreal New Age construct that's not substantiated by The Urantia Book. We come here with the purpose of developing a soul that will carry our personality on to paradise and from a spiritual point of view we do it on our own in companionship with God. When we're off to the mansion worlds there's a time spent with loved ones but then we're off on our own to grow ourselves and in the process develop new relationships. I know it's a figure of speech but the mating of souls isn't a concept developed in The Urantia Book.

Now, is it possible to find another mere mortal here with whom we may mutually fulfill our needs and our desires to love another? Of course, and it's a worthy goal to strive to find that other. since we know "it is not good for man to be alone." (maybe woman too?) But, like you mentioned, even if you find the "one" (and I suspect that there may be a million "one's" available at any one time that could fulfill that need and desire) even such a special relationship still requires constant nurturing or it will disintegrate.


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We are here to learn and to grow. If we can team up with someone who is first a true friend, and shares in our values, life will be manageable, and maybe best case, even enjoyable. Life is full of stresses. That’s not bad, just the way we learn best. If by “soul mate” we mean someone who will make life easy, then it an unworthy illusion. If that person makes life more fun, eases the pain, and acts in concert on areas of importance, then the search is worthy of every effort.

We just celebrated our 29th anniversary, and so from experience I agree with what,
as Paula said; It takes effort every single day, and even then there will be blow ups and difficulties that threaten the relationship occasionally.

I always liked what Ben Franklin said: “Before you’re married, keep both eyes wide open… After you’re married, keep one eye shut!
Bro Dave
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Hi Whitewolf. I've been married to the same woman for 31 years and if the concept of soul mates is valid, then perhaps Paula, Dave and I hold out hope for you. I think Larry is correct - more than ONE is available to you and the ONE that is right for you NOW is searchng for you too; you will find each other.

I want to respond carefully to your question so I'm going to sleep on this one before I respond in detail.

All the best, Ray


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Let me just add something I wanted to mention. The "right" person, is not necessarily the one who will always make you (or you them) the most comfortable. I believe we are brought together with potential mates with whom we have the greatest mutual growth potential. And that growth thingy can get pretty uncomfortable! :shock:

Bro Dave
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Larry wrote:
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...I believe that the concept of a "soul mate" is another unreal New Age construct...

I share this thought pattern with you, Larry. But, are you and I guilty of being ol' fuddy duddies? :roll:
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...that's not substantiated by The Urantia Book.

I'm not sure about that, and that's what makes me think maybe I am a fuddy duddy. IF there is such a reference within the Urantia Book I suspect its within the story of Adam and Eve... and/or maybe Andon and Fonta?
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Of course, and it's a worthy goal to strive to find that other. since we know "it is not good for man to be alone."

Hmmmmm... Man alone? Well, I have heard, from reliable sources, that if a man stood alone in the middle of a forest... and screamed at the very top of his lungs... but no one was there to hear him... he'd still be wrong. :badgrin:

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Hi Tramp,

Are we fuddy-duddy's? Of course.

Does The Urantia Book refute the idea of souls bonding, soul mates, another being that perfectly complements you? Not that I can recall, except by inference and that's what I like trying out -- inferring from what is defined by the book. We know that some orders of spirit beings are created as dual beings so that both are required for full expression of their capabilities. And we know that human beings are unique. That doesn't mean that we may not find a full complement in another person, particularly here on earth where we're really just beginning to grow. Maybe that connection will even carry on for an extended period into the mansion world experiences, but eventually I expect we would go our separate ways until reaching paradise where everyone is our soul mate.


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I wanted to sleep on my reply because I sense this is a difficult time for you and I wanted time to reflect on my own experience before responding.

As to HOW TO, I don’t know that anyone can answer that correctly other than the one who is searching or being sought. If you are in a searching mode, it suggests that you are actively engaged – aggressive as opposed to passive. If you are in a “being sought” mode, it suggests a more passive, trusting expectation.

I can’t remember that I was ever conscious of being in either mode as a single person. I was ambivalent about just one person in my life. However, the ONE ambled into my variety ventures and for some reason kept showing up like she was supposed to be there and I was suppose to pay attention. I did!

I suspect at some deeper level that previous to her arrival, I was at least passively engaged in the idea of uniting with the ideal life mate. During this time of transition from MANY to ONE, I discovered my spiritual self. Perhaps these internal and more prayerful conversations I was having with my Creator revealed a need that was answered as many prayers are answered – by that I mean, not in the manner requested! Suddenly, I embraced the ONE and the rest is history.

It has been said that the art of living becomes increasingly more difficult with each passing generation and the idea of having one faithful and supportive of you to grow in the mastery of this art of living is a most reasonable expectation in my opinion. That’s not to say that a solitary mastery is any less meaningful but those who desire a life partner should have one. After all, the Father sends his Creator Sons on their difficult missions with a complemental Creative Daughter.

If you are feeling lonely right now please know that you are not alone –ever. While you search for your life mate, know that the ONE you are searching for has already found you. The ONE has already mated with you on your adventure back to Paradise. The ONE who can help you answer life’s difficult questions already resides within you. This ONE will let you know when the one intended to amble into your life, and stay, has arrived. Be of Good Cheer! Life is Good as well as difficult. When your life mate arrives, life will be just as difficult and good. The difference is that now you get to experience in a very intense manner not only your own triumphs and tragedies, but also those of your life mate. Sharing your life intimately with one is a joy and a responsibility. Expect the messy with the magnificent. Expect it loud and lonely at times. Expect growth. Expect the best from each other and tolerate the alternative – humans have a tendency toward the alternative but when the best shows up, it is WONDERFUL.

I’ll keep you wrapped in white light (the way I imagine healing and protective spiritual energy) and perhaps this spiritual glow will light the path for the one that you seek.

All the best, Ray


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Bravo Ray!
Pure poetry!
Paula


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The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by Dalai Lama This was a good read for me. Especially in the area of relationships and marriage. The entire book was good, it talked about taking control of your happiness. It taught me alot, and helped me when i was making a decision about my marriage, whether to stay or to divorce.

My decision to stay and continue was not made out of a passionate love, because we actually 'hated' each other LOL at that certain point in time.
But as Paula and others have said, it is your choice of what you want in life. Whether my husband was the "right" one for me, as i married young, and probably for all the wrong reasons, he still was the one I married. And for me to stay married even if it meant learning how to compromise, like, and love all over again, it was more important to me, than to have a broken home.

I did not want a divorced lifestyle. And i'm not judging those who have that, i'm simply stating that i made the "choice" to work at this marriage and make it into something i was happy with. And with alot of work we have grown together, and we have the same desires and life goals, or the most important which is raising a family together. Neither of us wanted a "split" life style, so we made it work. True love or not.

As Bro Dave mentioned, some partners offer you the most growth potential, and i believe that my husband and I learned alot and grew alot in wisdom by sticking it out. Again, that's just me and my life.

And i liked the book because it seperates the reality of Love from the fairytale love. Some people may get lucky and have that person -- like they show on the movies, but more often than not, you will get the "reality" part.

So, I would suggest to anyone who hasn't read the book to do so. It deals with alot more than just marriage, it is truely good for finding true happiness within yourself, -- with what you have.

Many blessings
Angel

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From my novel, THE ZOOID MISSION:

A wise old man has been talking about types of love relationships. He has already mentioned "playmates" and "helpmates" ...

“And finally we come to soul mates.” Angus’ voice, like resonant music, waltzed the women round and round the compound. “In soul mates we find the love relationship between two people who have each evolved sufficiently to include the aspect of their souls.” ....

“Any and all of these relationships involve responsibility to the other partner and they all have value in the Stream of Time, but the two personalities who are involved in the soul mate relationship have perhaps the greatest responsibility. They have not come to the relationship out of a sense of need, but from a point of compliment. They must each know their Self so well that they have become individually replete. Their union augments the personality gifts of each other. Thus, in order to have a soul mate, one must have a knowledge of and appreciation for one’s own soul.” [end of excerpt]

And then the fun begins, for not only do we attract the one who compliments our positive aspects, but the one who also compliments our less negative aspects. The challenge is to continue to maintain the relationship with one's own soul, which is an inherently positive reality, so that both parties don't succumb to their own and each other's lesser and negative qualities.

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:smile: thank you all, please keep the advise and wisdom flowing. i m astounded, that all of you here love me, a stranger to most of you.

thanks Ray, for wrapping me in the light!!! Its 3:16 a.m.- and I dont care, I have found love here... :smile: :smile: :smile:
love whitewolf (Tammy)

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Another way I have found to 'blow away' the Hollywood' idea of soul mate is to think about my granddad and grandmother. Were they soul mates??

Somehow being an 'oldie' (I'll define that as 50 plus) rules out Hollywood. The soul mate idea seems to me to be wedded to being 18 to 30, maybe to 40.

However my grandfolks had a good 70 yr marriage. With ups and downs, incl seeing some of their kids die young, they stand out as a good and real couple.

Soul mates?? Bro Dave and others have made some great points - based on UB and personal experience.


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Hello Friends,
Remember this wonderful paragraph from the book:
Quote:
P.245 - §6 I am a Mighty Messenger, and it may interest Urantians to know that the companion and associate of my mortal experience was also triumphant in the great test, and that, though we were many times and for long periods separated in the agelong inward ascent to Havona, we were embraced in the same seven-hundred-thousand group, and that we spent our time passing through Vicegerington in close and loving association. We were finally commissioned and together assigned to Uversa of Orvonton, and we are often dispatched in company for the execution of assignments requiring the services of two Messengers.

After having spent hundreds of thousands of years ascending through the universes in loving association, these two are what I would call "soul mates."

Love....Paula


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