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A forum for issues regarding family life and child rearing.
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Letting a child lead

Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:56 am +0000

When our children are born I think we as parents tend to automatically begin to think about 'who" they will grow up to be.

For so long i have had that authority with my son. But he has now entered the 5th grade. He's 10. And my days are numbered as being the complete "authority" figure over his life. Meaning, he's beginning to form his own ideas of who he is, and who he wants to be.

My husband like most, dreamt of the "football player'.... or basically a son interested in sports. I always pushed to be a "social' person, not shy, believing in himself, and an outdoors kinda son.

well, we got a very intelligent, creative, shy boy, that is not really competitive in spirit, not to interested in sports. And when i say shy, i mean shy. Good child, he even reminds us of traffic laws while driving. He never wants to break a rule. He's very demanding of himself, a perfectionist.

So my question is, as this is my first child so he is my teacher in each new phase of parenthood........... where do i stop and he begins?

Until now i or we have been in control of his every move. We've made all choices for him. Now i see "him". And to be quite honest, I think he's more than i could have hoped for. A truely beautiful soul.

My husband wants to push him into sports, he says he'll like it once he's part of it, and thinks it's good for him to take part in. I just don't think my boy is that type. But i also continue to push him to "open up" and be a more outgoing spirit.....

But i wonder if in that area he is as God would have him be. And maybe I shouldn't go trying to "mold" him into something else.

So i was wondering if anyone has any ideas. We of course believe that we keep the role of a parent as far as making sure he holds good grades, he's an honor roll student) making sure he doesnt' get into drugs that type of stuff.,,,etc.. but as far as his personality, should we just let him bloom into himself as God as created him? Or should we continue to push for what "we" think is better for him.

Any thoughts would be nice.

He is also aware of God, angels, and spirituality.

Thu Sep 22, 2005 1:22 pm +0000

Congratulations on having a good boy! What a challenge - to be a good parent. Your son will find his own way - as he observes the many opportunities around him.

Regarding sports, this world includes a huge variety - from rugby, football, basketball, to individual sports (tennis, golf). Then there is table tennis and badminton! Sports provides lots of social interaction plus exercise.

My only suggestion? Keep the communication channels open. Do not WORRY about his childhood as to make the atmosphere TOO serious.

My stepdad forced me to hunt game . He could not force me to enjoy it. Still, I was the better off for it - becoming good with guns, and knowledgeable about gun safety by age 14.

Life and growing is fun, painful, a struggle, etc. The best to you............ and yours

Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:20 am +0000

Well, what worked for you and your husband are good starting places. My mom actally became a Cub Scout Den Mother and I stayed in Scouting for many years and learned alot from my first "organization".

I was introduced to many interests and still find the experiece valuable. Though some organizations can be critisized, take it for what it's worth.

Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:21 am +0000

Thanks guys.

i guess it can't "hurt' to push him to be a part of some things. He actually did the YMCA baseball this year. And even though he had never played he was the best player on the team. And that's the coaches words.
He enjoyed it to a certain point, but like i said, he's just not competitive.

And there a difference between playing a sport or something during free time, and then being put into leagues and made to play. kinda like who are the beauty pagents for? The little girls or their moms?

I guess i lean more to "make him try it, but if he says "i dont' want to do it-- that's his choice. As long as his grades are good, great behavior at school, and he's not locking himself in his room with death music, I guess i should let him be him?


When this little boy was about 6 monthes old, i knelt at his crib one night as he slept crying my eyes out. I told God i was so scared that i would not be a good mother, and i said God you are the best Father, into your hands i place his life. Please lead him well, and keep him safe.

And i've always remembered that prayer, and seem to be reminded of it at certain times. Like God saying he's my child remember? Relax and let me lead.

My husband says i worry to much, and that i shouldn't care what he wants we're the parents, but i think that's the attitude that ends up in rebellious teen years. I'm trying to keep an open and loving relationship with my son....... so even though I can no longer kiss him in public :wink: or even walk with my arm around him at school....... LOL he and i are still very close at home.

That is what is important to me. And i don't want him to think i don't listen to him.

K, i'll hush. Just a new thing for me, and so i thought i would stick it out in the family thread to see if anyone else had thoughts on it.

Thanks for responding guys.

Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:33 pm +0000

Hi Angel,

I have noticed a few instances where boys who were raised by:

a single mom - one that was extra-loving, exra-protective - sometimes SUFFER! as adults. They seem ill-equipped to deal with an environment that is inhabited by rough-and-tumble males who create havoc and confusion for them.

or a single dad who wanted to 'toughen up' their boy by being harsh with them - causing them to SUFFER as one who cannot express feelings, cannot relate to women or children.

It is good that many boys get a combo type upbringing where they can develop as capable adults. Capable in a social and psychological way.

The story about Jesus' upbringing seems to say WE need to develop well-rounded personalities in order to function on a healthy level. A healthy personality can cope with life's hardships as well as with life's opportunities!
.......the Best to you.......

Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:55 pm +0000

WHAT??? You mean a Mom AND a Dad are BOTH important? That's just not PC! :shock:
...But it is such wonderfully obvious common sense!

Thank you for voicing it,
Bro Dave :wink:
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