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 Post subject: Re: Authority over woman
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Hi Amy O:)

I really hope things get better soon. As you saw by my post on the Prayers thread...because I am female...I offer only prayers...no advice....I do get it, the how it feels part. I wish the men around you were different or just gone somehow.

Please believe that I am just trying to reach out and encourage Al.....I am in no way trying to discount what is going on with you. Just letting him know I understand his good intent. :wink: When I speak of men "telling" me what to do...I was talking about the men around me taking authority in my life that was not necessarily offered by me.


My posts are mostly light hearted and I admit I run through life with a big smile and lots of jokes...it is how I get through. Some would think because of this, I live some kind of charmed life....I don't. For me...being light hearted and trying to find fun every day is the only way I know how to live and stay happy. Just what works for me...that's all.

I decided to reach out to Al on this thread specifically because of its original subject and because he is reaching out too. With him and other men participating...there is a greater chance of improved understanding. It is a tough subject and I want to encourage him. Gerdean was so right to start this thread and with men participating and woman boldly expressing themselves...the authority they talk about in TUB may be more clearly understood.

(had to edit...sorry...what is left is more about the thread and appropriate for me to express)

blessings O:)


Last edited by fishin'Mom on Thu Feb 18, 2010 7:12 pm +0000, edited 4 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Authority over woman
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Hey fishin mom,

Well I will acknowledge that there are indeed men out there who really do want to understand and become closer to the women in their lives, men who really do care for those women. It's just that such has not been my good fortune to encounter as yet, and those men tend to be already taken and striving to make the relationships they are already in better.

The ones left to me are those I've previously mentioned, and having no desire or need of a man in my life, they tend to make themselves extremely obnoxious to me, and oppressive of me.

These men most bitterly resent that they are not getting into my pants, and that I reject their authority over me, have no need of them and their obnoxious involvement in my life, their sexist rule over me, or need to care for them and cater to their needs as they ignore my needs.

The men I speak of here are those sexually harassing me and stalking me, pressuring me to become a hooker, and those doing all they possibly can to make my life harder, and those men who provide me with quite reasonable motive to carry a gun at all times, sleep with a gun, and who have made it necessary on last Thanksgiving day to draw my weapon on yet another horny creep who saw fit to pull into my yard to further sexually harass me.

So... while I can intellectually accept that not ALL men are like this, the overwhelming bulk of my experience here in rural Alabama has been that in fact they all ARE, at least they all are HERE.

{ statements that are in breach of the discussion board's guidelines at http://forums.truthbook.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=519 have been deleted by admin }

My stalker is one of those, and he has quite aggressively undertaken to make my life his business, and is harassing me both at work and at home. At least he bothered me at home until I thrust a loaded .45 into his face. Now he has taken to eyeing my little trailer from a distance as he takes his walks in my neighborhood several miles from where he lives. I've been watching him through my rifle sights and binoculars.

A woman here is regarded by the men here as property, a servant, and a sex toy. Nothing more. I fear I shall have to shoot someone at some future point, and I am quite fully prepared to do so.

a.


Last edited by Amy on Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:07 pm +0000, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Authority over woman
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Just a joke... my momma always said...if they keep looking...pluck one of their eyes out...it will give'em a whole new perspective! For some reason it gives me some strength.... O:)


Last edited by fishin'Mom on Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:56 pm +0000, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Authority over woman
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Hi Amy,

One question regarding this situation that does kind of relate to authority....should I tell the men in my life that this is going on....have not told them....is this a case where I should share authority? In some sense? My thoughts are that I don't want any of them to think I can't handle my own life...I don't want to be a burden...and just getting rid of this guy doesn't stop the problem...from coming up again. Still...is it wrong to hide my problem from them? Starting to think so.


Last edited by fishin'Mom on Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:58 pm +0000, edited 2 times in total.

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fishin'Mom wrote:
Hi Amy,

I used to carry...before my daughter....admit I've been thinking and looking at adds...ruger mini 14 was looking kind of cool...but will probably...if I load up again...do the S&W officer's special with glazers or the Springfield .45 also with glazers....I hear you can just barely get them with that bullet and the shock kills. Only survivor of a hit I heard of was a glance in the arm. Really expensive bullet though. Wish I didn't even have to think about it...most folks would just say...tell one of my friends or my boyfriend...but as you know...the problem doesn't go away...it often gets worse.

In the meantime....I keep my eyes open...avoid the gym as much as possible...and often take people with me when I go out now. I just keep praying and work on how I can lose his interest...haven't a clue yet honestly. I really don't want to carry again if I can avoid it. Despite him following me a few times...this is a pretty big town...should get easy to avoid him with some practice. Been working on the gym to transfer my account too...that should help. I wouldn't go at all, but I need the physical therapy.

One question regarding this situation that does kind of relate to authority....should I tell the men in my life that this is going on....have not told them....is this a case where I should share authority? In some sense? My thoughts are that I don't want any of them to think I can't handle my own life...I don't want to be a burden...and just getting rid of this guy doesn't stop the problem...from coming up again. Still...is it wrong to hide my problem from them? Starting to think so.


Well, as to whether you should tell the men in your life I really cannot be the judge of that, I don't know your relationships with them, or how supportive of you in this they are likely to be. What I can tell you for a firm fact, with regard to the man pursuing you is that a man who does not hear the word "NO" is trying to CONTROL YOU!

He WILL try to make your life HIS business! That's why he's following you! By now he knows where you live, where you work, and who's in your life.

That he's following you is all the clue you need. This guy is stalker material. Trust me on this, I've had a couple of them after me already, and you should NOT joke around with him or hope he just goes away. If you are reluctant to arm yourself you should at the very least alert those who run that gym and local law enforcement. Tell them what he's doing and your concerns. That's at the very least.

I can't tell you how to handle this, only how I would, You know your situation better than I do, but I think if I had a man in my life who really cared about me, and who I really cared about, I would tell him. Dump this idea of being a burden to the men in your life, if they really care about you they will be glad to step up and defend you, and they should.

You are wise to not go out alone with this guy following you around, and I would encourage you to continue in that.

One more thing:

It has been my own experience that guys like this one following you are very often cowards, who are hoping to intimidate you. If they sense fear or weakness they close in. If, on the other hand, the woman they are targeting, aggressively confronts them and shows no fear they shrink away and seek other victims.

Now I can't judge this guy, not having observed him first hand, but you might just confront him in front of witnesses demanding to know why he's following you in a loud voice and stand your ground as you tell him to stop it or the police will become involved. This accomplishes two things, serves notice that you are not afraid of him, and makes others aware of who he is and how he's operating.

In any case I would point this jerk out to the people running the gym and tell them what he's doing, because it's quite likely you are not his only target there. He's a predator, and that gym is his hunting ground.

a.


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 Post subject: Re: Authority over woman
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Well, you know if you do they are going to want to "fix it." And that generally means they want to move in with you, because if there is a man around, that will cool a stalker's jets. It is a sad fact of life that when surrounded by aggressive predators, we are at a disadvantage and the idea of having a husband becomes a real consideration. And so the question goes: If a woman needs a man around to protect her from predatory hunters, she is obviously giving him authority over some aspect of her; does she become so grateful to him not to have to be bothered by incessant self-defense, she goes belly up?

Obviously, to you gents on this thread, we are not talking to fellow-religionists. The example cited in the UB whereby this topic was introduced was about a man who was belittling his wife in public, making a scene, such that Jesus called him aside for a little chat and we found out the woman herself was a bit of a harpy, a "nag" we might call her, so yes, relationships involve two people. I loved Al's metaphor of playing on deck and getting a tan when things were sailing but knew how to batten the hatches when things got rough. Two people who care for each other ... who are involved in mutual self-maintenance, self-perpetuation, and self-gratification (the three elements of human happiness) know better than to undermine their own good circumstances.

But there are also those who take hostages, and there are fellows who stalk women, as if it is their job to teach women to be fearful and submissive. And that mentality is inherent in a big percentage of humanity all over the world because it has been the norm for so many centuries. It still exists, but it is not as overbearing (in this country) (thank God!) as it was 50 years ago. I just read an article about a 10-year-old girl in Afghanistan who got a divorce from her husband who beat her and raped her night and day. That's progress! But incest is still glossed over in many of these United States. Domestic violence is a problem here in New Mexico and Alabama is obviously not very well advanced either. We still have a long way to go.

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Thanks Amy,

blessings

Hi Gerdean, thanks for the heads up...definitely will keep that in mind. Thinking more about the tell my sister approach...might be best. Sticky business this "authority" thing indeed.


Last edited by fishin'Mom on Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:55 pm +0000, edited 1 time in total.

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Gerdean wrote:
Well, you know if you do they are going to want to "fix it." And that generally means they want to move in with you, because if there is a man around, that will cool a stalker's jets. It is a sad fact of life that when surrounded by aggressive predators, we are at a disadvantage and the idea of having a husband becomes a real consideration. And so the question goes: If a woman needs a man around to protect her from predatory hunters, she is obviously giving him authority over some aspect of her; does she become so grateful to him not to have to be bothered by incessant self-defense, she goes belly up?


Hey Gerdean!

You got all that right, and I have been told by men who learned of my situation here, "Well Amy, you just need to get yourself a man!" What an incredible insult! I should just get myself a man to keep the rest of the men from sexually harassing me or raping me, and pay protection in the form of unwilling sex and servitude was really their message.

I really do think that were I to have a man in my life it would be for infinitely better reasons than that! But that's just how men here think. After all, what are you saving it for? You should be submitting to a man, that's your only reason for existing.

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a.


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fishin'Mom wrote:
I was loud and rude about asking him to leave me alone...you would think that would have been disruptive enough.


Errr.... no.... this is a guy who does not hear the word NO. He cares nothing for your wishes, has no respect for you at all, and sees you as an object he wants to use.

He IS trying to CONTROL you! He will not back off. Get with the police on this. Make his life YOUR business. Find out his name and address. Get his license plate number. Tell the cops about him, what he's doing, and ask them to have a chat with him. You really do want the cops to have been notified about this guy bothering you! It needs to be a matter of record.

The people at the gym seem to be telling you that he has to rape you first before they can do anything, so they are gutless cowards who really only care about their liability and their profits.

I think I would alert the other women who go to that gym. Transferring to another gym isn't likely to stop this guy, he's been following you, so it's wise to assume he already knows where you live and work, and would just follow you to the new gym anyway.

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a.


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Okay, gallies. I think we have conveyed the fact that women have something to contend with on this planet. Being a religionist does not keep us out of trouble. I had the option to use my gun once, but I discovered when it comes right down to it, I do not have what it takes to shoot somebody, even in self-defense. I survive by wit and cunning. Therefore, it was my choice, after being stalked and threatened one too many times, to invite a partner into my life and, true to form, I have not been stalked, raped, molested, pinched, grabbed, or ogled since. I was tired of it. And now I don't have to be bothered with it. I am very grateful for the reprieve. And I am Very Grateful that a man like my husband came along to fill the bill; he is a swell fellow and I don't mind having him around. And he would deny it, even be offended that I might think such a thing, but he really does have authority over me because of that. His existence in my life renders me safe. And I honor him for that by being a good and faithful wife. I don't "obey" him, but he makes no demands on me anyway.

It is indeed unfortunate that marriage is the only option for some women in some situations or locations, but as the UB says, 84.4.2 Woman’s status has always been a social paradox; she has always been a shrewd manager of men; she has always capitalized man’s stronger sex urge for her own interests and to her own advancement. By trading subtly upon her sex charms, she has often been able to exercise dominant power over man, even when held by him in abject slavery.

And as it also reveals, 100.4.5 In the mind’s eye conjure up a picture of one of your primitive ancestors of cave-dwelling times — a short, misshapen, filthy, snarling hulk of a man standing, legs spread, club upraised, breathing hate and animosity as he looks fiercely just ahead. Such a picture hardly depicts the divine dignity of man. But allow us to enlarge the picture. In front of this animated human crouches a saber-toothed tiger. Behind him, a woman and two children. Immediately you recognize that such a picture stands for the beginnings of much that is fine and noble in the human race, but the man is the same in both pictures. Only in the second sketch you are favored with a widened horizon. You therein discern the motivation of this evolving mortal. His attitude becomes praiseworthy because you understand him. If you could only fathom the motives of your associates, how much better you would understand them. If you could only know your fellows, you would eventually fall in love with them.

As long as there are saber-toothed tigers around to threaten our existence, there will be a need for heroes.

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Wish I could find a hero. So far such has not been my lot, and at 55 I have largely given up on it.

a.


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O:)


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Amy.
Nice to have you back.
As far as authority over women, to quote Rocky the flying squirrel " that trick never works"!
8)

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Happy Anniversary to me and my hubby -- my hero and partner Angus. Eleven years today. Actually, today commemorates the social event, which took place in the rose garden during the 1999 International Urantia Book Conference in Vancouver, Canada. The legal event took place back home, in rural Pennsylvania, with my mom and her sisters witnessing our nuptuals on August 21st. But since August 21st is Jesus' birthday, we celebrate our anniversary on the 11th, so as to keep our priorities straight. :wink:

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