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A forum for issues regarding family life and child rearing.
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No kids

Sun Jun 07, 2009 8:52 am +0000

Ever since I was 9 years old, I knew I didn't want children. When I was 26, I met a man who changed that desire. I loved this man so much, I wanted to have children with him. However, that relationship ended catastrophically due to his alcholism.

Moving on, I met and married the man I prayed for (side note: seriously, be careful what you pray for because it's true - you get what you pray for. I.e., I prayed for patience and susequently ended up spending weeks stuck in traffic! Universe does have a sense of humor...). In this instance, the man I prayed for was a true blessing; however, he was previously married with two daughters.

We have been happily married five years, but I have no desire to have children whatsoever. My husband and I have talked about it, and he told me he would have one more child with me; but the decision is up to me. I think he is perfectly happy with having two daughters he's devoted to, and is looking forward to spending the next 40+ years without more kids.

Now, my sister and best friend are both pregnant (in their late 30s), and as exciting as that is - you'd think I'd want to hop on the bandwagon! :roll: Not so much.

From reading the UB, I understand that those of us who do not have kids will likely spend some time on Morantia 1 in the nursurey. I'll be honest - this idea kinda feels like a punishment for not wanting to procreate on Urantia; but the more mature side of me understands that the whole idea of having children is to experience that one true love parents have for their kids...the love our Father has for each and everyone of his universal children.

Anyone care to share their feedback on Urantians who do not want kids?

Just curious.

Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:12 am +0000

Hi Alise,

Nice to have you posting... welcome.

Some people just naturally make great parents -- some don't. Sadly, parenting tends to be a seat-of-the-pants experience rather than one that's taught prior to becoming immersed. It's hard to imagine how wonderful the results could be if everyone had a basic understanding of what parenting entails, the trials, responsibility, compromises that are necessary.

Having children isn't necessarily the most wonderful experience one can have, but it can be. It can be the most meaningful endeavor one undertakes in a lifetime; it can also be life's tragedy. Children can naturally be delightful; children can also be incorrigible -- you just don't know what to expect when you decide to add children a marriage and what blessings or overbearing burdens can result from such a decision. Either way, it's an education that can't be acquired in any other manner. Life becomes real in unimagined ways.

I don't see how parenting on the mansion worlds can be anything like parenting here on earth and surely it's not a punishment but instead will provide all the positive and beneficial effects of parenting that some actually do experience here. There will be no children there suffering the defects of heredity or poor environment. Nor will we be so self-centered as to resent devoting time to the rearing and education of these children; it will be a positive opportunity in all respects.

Not wanting to have children here can be a wise decision in some cases, but looking forward to the blessing of positive parenthood on the mansion worlds should be anticipated with real joy.


Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:19 am +0000

When I was a child I wanted to grow up to be a perfect wife and mother. I think that is a natural response to the family paradigm we live with; I don't know if my material instincts were thwarted or retarded or deficient or what, but when I grew up, circumstances were such that I was never moved to have children.

If I thought having children was all about squawling brats and changing dirty diapers, I would think of the Mansion World One Nursery as a punishment (and it is, after all a "detention" world) but it's more about learning unconditional love, and on a world like Urantia, there are many opportunities to cultivate and experience the essence of parenting without having to give birth.

Jesus didn't have kids, and yet he sailed right past Mansonia No. 1 because he virtually "raised" his younger brothers and sisters. I don't think we have to linger there if we have ample experience in the art and essence of parenting, which is what the Father feels for His children. It involves responsibility, concern, discipline, caring, loving, overseeing, role modeling, and setting aside one's personal interests in the furtherance of those who look to us for guidance and direction.

The UB takes us off the hook in the Marriage Papers when it says some women don't have adequate maternal instinct to have children. I'm one of those. There are other ways we can fulfill ourselves in this human experience, other ways we can pass on our culture and values, other ways we can contribute to evolution and give to humanity. Immortality does not only generate through hormones; it comes through creativity and ambition and dedication to some worthy cause.

Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:49 am +0000

Thank you Larry, and Gerdean, for your thought-provoking responses.

What a blessing truly to have insight and input from other Urantians. :smile:

Though we don't know what our future holds on the mansion worlds, if a mansion world rep were to ask me today, "Do you feel you have adequately gained an understanding and appreciation of and for parenting without creating children of your own?" I would respond honestly, "No." I am sure I am destined for experiencing that in the nursurey. Larry - thank you for pointing out that it should be an experience to be felt with joy and looked at with anticipation. I will start to do just that!!

I feel part of the issue I have with children in today's world - is not so much the kids themselves - but that what we as a society are teaching them is "okay." Every generation is different and saddled with their own challenges, successes, and failures. I'm not sure what to make or expect from the recent gens that have come along - that are now entering the work force and with whom I am working with person to person. The expectations to advance themselves personally are beyond my comprehension of understanding. I ask, "What are my peers thinking raising their kids with a gaping lack of values and work ethic?" That's a sweeping statement, and I see that. But I do find myself thinking it a lot. Maybe that's where I can do some work, Gerdean. Maybe I can become a guideance counselor / mentor (of sorts) for those kids who seek advice? Something to consider.

Listening now to the radio as I type, one again our kids' education is getting reduced due to budget issues. I may be misinterpreting, but it seems as if society is no longer valuing its kids. I mean - shouldn't THEY be our first concenrn? Afterall, they are the front line of the future. Why would we jepordize our futures by raising kids who didn't get solid education and who obviously know that in retrospect they were not / are not valued?

Mon Jun 08, 2009 5:36 am +0000

Hello Alise,

Of course The Urantia Book echoes the concerns you've expressed and which are so evidently lacking in society today:

The humans of olden times did not possess a very rich social civilization, but such as they had they faithfully and effectively passed on to the next generation. And you should recognize that most of these civilizations of the past continued to evolve with a bare minimum of other institutional influences because the home was effectively functioning. Today the human races possess a rich social and cultural heritage, and it should be wisely and effectively passed on to succeeding generations. The family as an educational institution must be maintained. (82:0.3)

The advances of true civilization are all born in this inner world of mankind. It is only the inner life that is truly creative. civilization can hardly progress when the majority of the youth of any generation devote their interests and energies to the materialistic pursuits of the sensory or outer world. (111:4.3)

Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:43 am +0000

The advances of true civilization are all born in this inner world of mankind. It is only the inner life that is truly creative. civilization can hardly progress when the majority of the youth of any generation devote their interests and energies to the materialistic pursuits of the sensory or outer world. (111:4.3)

Very interesting, Larry. Particularly the second sentence. Especially with technology today - and kids being surrounded, bombarded, and educated with iPods (i.e., universities handing out iPods to students to attend lectures via iPod instead of the traditional classroom means), laptop computers, hand held iPhones/pods, etc. Recently, my husband and I took his two daughters (12 and 15) and their friend (15) to dinner and all three had their noses in cell phones and iPods for texting and Facebook while waiting for the pizza to arrive. I sat there thinking that when I was their age with a friend, it was ALL about the friend and parents and all of us laughing, talking, having conversations, etc.

I finally said something (of course), but the look I got from these three kids not GETTING that communication with family is face to face sans all electronics is vitally important - was shocking to thEM. I'm like, "Ladies. First of all, it's rude to be in each others' company and prefer to text virtual friends, AND as a family we should be interacting..."

I'll be honest, I worry about today's kids and what they are being taught is no 'okay behavior' both socially and individually. How is all this technology going to benefit them and their futures? And us as a civilization on Urantia?

Re: No kids

Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:55 pm +0000

Souls/spiritual growth is predicated upon choices we make while in this life. Nothing is force upon us by anybody; but our own free agency. choices then come with responsibilities and consequences which we all have to bear. what we fail to do here will be taught and learned in the next (morontia nursery).
free agnecy means education. accumulated living experiences and surrounding influenced our decision of choices. sins( are just wrong choices,ie going against the will of the father and punishment are just corrections.every of his works and creations serve a purpose and the same goes to families and having children.
by having children means we possese alot richer venue and instrument to learn with and from; and likewise if we choose not to. the opportunity to learn and experience more of the lsesson of life whule in this mortal life gave us the opportunity to elevate the grwoth of the souls/spirit in the next.

they are just another learning opportunities provided for us. with our free agency, we can always choose to experience the lesson now or later.
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