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 Post subject: Raising Boys
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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:05 pm +0000
Posts: 669
Location: Tulsa, OK
For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.


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Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2005 4:08 am +0000
Posts: 2170
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Some Maxine Lines

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19. Procrastinate Now!
20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

_________________
Joe - The more we discover how much we are Loved by God, the more we want to do God's Will.


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Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2004 12:40 pm +0000
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RAY OH K & JOE UR :shock:

GREAT STUFF ! 8) ....BUT I NEED SOME ADD VICE .... on raiseing a teenage girl ... :mrgreen: She's ! 16. .... and the day of her birth the doctors forgot to give me an instuction manual .... where can i find one at :?:


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Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:05 pm +0000
Posts: 669
Location: Tulsa, OK
Hi coop - she's unique and so are you - you are writing it together -foreshadowing is a writing technique that really dosen't work well in this instance, therefore editing is allowed. Enjoy each chapter!


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Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2005 4:08 am +0000
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Coop and Ray,

Howdy. :smile:

Coop my third and youngest girl is turning 16 on 4/7/06. Be gentle and kind. Show them patience and steadfastness. They are seeing the hypocrisy in the world. They don't understand. They see it with fresh eyes for almost the first time. They see how strong you are in the face of adversity.

They lack confidence and sureness of who they are. They are trying out different ideas. Why can't Wrong be Right? Why is Right, Right and Wrong, Wrong? Who decides what is wrong and right and what give them the right to judge that?

You are their first line of defense to explain the dichotomies and contradictions of the world. They are finding the meaning of Perspective. They are seeing that things can be seen differently from different perspectives. They questioning your perspective and theirs. They are happy boisterous and loud one minute and remote, unresponsive and depressed the next, not seeing anyway out of their dilemma. faster than the pendulum swings they go back and forth.

Oh yes! And this is the HOPE for us frustrated fathers.
Quote:
"And this to shall pass"

My other two 17 and 22 now are more self assured. The 17 year-old still has relapses to the 16 year-old phase but she has more time "just doing what she needs to do" Not quite understanding exactly why she's doing it but realizing the stability it gives her by doing it. (studying, behaving, being more responsible). By the way the six months of counseling for both of us together helped too.

Good Luck brother! God's strength and Spirit be with you.

Oh Yeah...PRAY OFTEN FOR HELP AND GUIDANCE for her and you! :o LOL

_________________
Joe - The more we discover how much we are Loved by God, the more we want to do God's Will.


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