Dear William...thank you so much for sharing your situation with us. It's good to know that (it seems, anyway) the worst may be over for you, and that you are on your way to establishing a more even keel in your inner life. And that inner life is key to finding that relationship/experience with God. Sharing that inner life with God is key, and may be easier than you think.
I was just talking about this with my partner yesterday, and I was recalling the advice we get from the book about the alter-ego and how that can be an avenue of connection with God - a pretty easy one, at that. In fact it seems almost childish...but then again, we are called to become more like the child in our relations with God - not child-ish, but child-like.
I offer it as a suggestion to you, one you may want to try, as you - if your're anything like me - probably do this kind of inner dialogue anyway.
I love it that you have become a bird-watcher. I am one, too, and I think observing the birds and coming to know them can also be an avenue of gaining more insight into God and his workings. We were blessed with a family of finches this year, and it was a source of neverending daily delight to watch the little family take up residence on our porch and then to see the process of feeding and care and activitiy until finally the babies fledged.
Watching the birds can be a perfect time to converse with God in the inner life - the alter ego. When he is so good to the birds, it's so comforting to know how much more he cares for us! We know that God indwells our mind, so consciously dedicating its workings to God can be very helpful and fruitful.
I love this part of that section I cited for you:
91:3.7 Enlightened prayer must recognize not only an external and personal God but also an internal and impersonal Divinity, the indwelling Adjuster. It is altogether fitting that man, when he prays, should strive to grasp the concept of the Universal Father on Paradise; but the more effective technique for most practical purposes will be to revert to the concept of a near-by alter ego, just as the primitive mind was wont to do, and then to recognize that the idea of this alter ego has evolved from a mere fiction to the truth of God's indwelling mortal man in the factual presence of the Adjuster so that man can talk face to face, as it were, with a real and genuine and divine alter ego that indwells him and is the very presence and essence of the living God, the Universal Father.
Thanks again, William. I pray that the stress in your life will ease even further and that you experience a fuller realization of God according to your most sincere desire.