Hello all, and thank you for all your kind words and advice...FanofVan:
Before I officially reply to this thread, I just want to say, that I follow you through three forums now, and I Love You haha. The Spirit in you Shines. Thank you for always being a stable leader. Your words always resonate deep in my soul. Thank you again for being a true thinker and a light in the dark.
And now to the topic at hand. Thank you for the suggested reading. Now you made a really good point about families stabilizing into routines or orbits and if disrupted for any reason , can cause tension. BINGO... I literally got a flashback of memories when reading this. And Im going to break off and answer two questions with one now...As-Above-So-Below
asked me :
"Have you and your spouse really talked about your differences and desires? Does he know how you feel about these things, and is there a middle ground that you both can come together on without offending each other? By your own admission, you seem to know your limitations but his reluctance to listen to what you have learned may be in your presentation rather than being beyond his ability to understand."
I am an open book. I tell my spouse, as I discern the most respectful way, everything I feel would be respectful to each other. I always try to put my spouse first. Concerning the beginning of this relationship and the sudden changes, I think that has been the hardest on him. Excluding one factor, we both grew up in the church as children. We were both on the worship team, and highly involved. We are very similar in many ways. Im much, much more curious in nature than he is, and I think thats why there is this growing gap. I just want to learn, so I lean. He doesnt. So as im expanding, his perspective isnt and our conversation become increasingly limited.
On our first date I read him the Urantia Book. He knew it was a huge part of my life. I have " Love and be Loved" with the three concentric circles tattoo'd on my left wrist. It was such a part of me , and I just dont understand how he could have mistaken that I would have ever left it!
Everyday and Night I pray for him. I do not , and cannot talk about or invite him into spiritual conservation. And honestly , I think all of this would be much easier on me if he would just accept me more than anything. I accept him. I truly do. We live with family right now, two of which are Atheist. We live in peace, and we dont judge and we can have our beliefs just fine. My spouse on the other hand, as soon as he hears about or sees me on the computer, or sees that blue book, gets so mad. Its so incredibly negative. I makes me feel like there are opposing forces of evil in the world lol. Its heavy and draining and It almost hurts. The only time he is happy as a clam is when I am not associating myself at all with it. When everything is boring and not stimulating. I think im venting now .... boomshuka
: Your probably right. Its probably a lot easier to make friends in Canada. For some reason, people in Southern Cali, females ive been acquainted with are lacking some wholesome qualities. All my childhood girl friends have moved away.
And back to As-Above-So-Below
: You mentioned if I found a group "would God or Jesus want you to put them before your marriage?"
Well probably not. Im sure, like everything in life, it must have balance. So If there was a study group, which there isnt, I would be sure to attend it only once a week, maybe twice. kiwi2
Your right, sometimes talking about it is all it takes. My spouse is very jealous so its really hard to make friends.His Jealousy is just a natural reaction from his own self insecurities and because he's been cheated on in the past. I sympathize with him. I used to be the same. But the Spirit fills me up, which is why I wish he would experience that too. Anyway, I feel very safe venting on the forum
I pray often. I take much comfort in the spirit realm. Thank you for your thoughts.tootsie
Thank you for sharing. And your right, I have faith Love with find a way.
Just to conclude, I know I gave a lot of negative details, maybe, about my spouse, but were all human. I wonder what someone would say about me
? Im sure Im a obsessive compulsive, day-dreamer who believes in aliens and ufos and OMG I COULD GO ON FOREVER. My point is, I love him for the things he his , not the things he isnt. I cant imagine being without him. And we actually aren't *legally married... * institutionally married... but someday( when the financials are there) we might want to be recognized legally. All in all, I want this to work, and so does he. We have trust, communication and commitment. Thats for sure!
Thank you all, and sorry for the extensive post!