Would you encourage outspokenness in relationships?
Q: Would you encourage
outspokenness in relationships? Be it in family,
at school or in the work place? I find myself
being misunderstood most of the time and I'm
always feeling the need to explain myself so I
dont lose the ones I love.
A: When we are too outspoken,
we can become a bore to others. Not everyone cares
to hear what we think or feel about every subject.
In close family relationship, in school, at
work...all of these relationships require tact and
tolerance and discretion when holding forth on our
own opinions. One of the "mota" statements is this
one that your question brought to mind:
"Whet the appetites of
your associates for truth; give advice only when
it is asked for."
And this one:
"The argumentative
defense of any proposition is inversely
proportional to the truth contained."
Being misunderstood is the human condition. All
of us feel misunderstood from time to time. Jesus
himself was severely misunderstood. Even in his
own family, he was thought to be "beside himself"
more than once, so you are in good company...!
It seems to me that it is not so much what we
say, but how we live - the things we do -
that really make an impression. The old expression
"talk is cheap," has the ring of truth to it.
Everybody has an opinion about something, and most
people are more concerned with making their point
and being recognized than in hearing the opinions
of others, no matter how close the relationship
may be. And the further away we get from really
close relationship, the more circumspect we
probably should be.
If you are lucky, you have at least one close
friend or family member who loves you and who DOES
care what you think, and who can help you air out
your opinions, as you do the same for them. For
the rest, I would simply watch for the opportunity
to "whet the appetites of your associates for
truth." Not so that YOU stay in the good graces of
others, but so that you may attract others to the
Kingdom. And of course, "give advice only when it
is asked for." Cultivate the art of listening,
rather than speaking...cultivate true
friendliness.
And finally, the way in which you say
something can make a big difference as to whether
it is received. Even a hard truth, when spoken in
love, can be accepted more easily than just
hammering someone with that truth out of an
attempt to be "right." This just antagonizes
people, and makes them avoid you. If what comes
out of your mouth is truth delivered with love,
that truth will stand of itself, and you won't
have to create that "argumentative defense," that
can be so tiresome...pray for confidence, wisdom,
and spiritual strength in all your dealings with
others.
These are just my thoughts, but for the most
beneficial advice on how to speak to others,
please read We can all benefit by
knowing how Jesus managed to draw so many to
himself.
Also, I might suggest that you read that entire
. There are any number
of statements there that can give you further
insight. And with that, I will stop my own
outspokenness...!
I hope that this reply has been
helpful...thanks again for writing...
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