I am not going to presume that your experiences with adultery
constitute sin -
it sounds as if you might have already made that
judgment upon yourself. But adultery is certainly a violation of
accepted mores. You say that you felt great affection
for this man, and
those feelings seemingly justified your, and his, actions. Even though
you may have known that it was wrong, you did it anyway because it felt
so right to love as you did. Of course, there are far-reaching
consequences to such actions, and maybe you also experienced some of
those, or saw them in the other people whose lives were affected by
Love in its purest sense is the desire to do good
to others - but real love must encompass all of our brothers
and sisters, not just a special one here or there. Real,
honest love will never be consciously selfish or hurtful to
another - and that includes the spouse and family of the married
Maybe you'll be comforted by this quote of Jesus
from The Urantia Book:
taught that sin is not the child of a defective nature but rather the
offspring of a knowing mind dominated by an unsubmissive will.
Regarding sin, he taught that God has forgiven; that we make such
forgiveness personally available by the act of forgiving our fellows.
When you forgive your brother in the flesh, you thereby create the
capacity in your own soul for the reception of the reality of God's
forgiveness of your own misdeeds.
In order for you to feel forgiven you must now proceed with the
business of forgiving all of those in your life who may have wronged
YOU. This is no small task for most people, but it can be easily
accomplished with the right frame of mind. It may include forgiving
your former partner, as well.
Learn to look for God's will
in all of this, and try to see a bigger
picture. Get your mind off of yourself, and try to see in others the
same kinds of personality
foibles that created your own misdeeds, be
they pride, greed, arrogance, or selfishness. Remember how
easy it was for you to fall prey to these, and it may be much easier to
see how another could err in the same way you did - maybe not by doing
what you did, but in other ways. Then, forgiveness becomes
easier. Eventually, you will find God's forgiveness in your
own heart, if you open that heart to real sympathy with others and the
trials they experience. Set everyone free from your own judgment.
The fact that you are remorseful is a good sign that you may now think
more carefully about it if you are ever again faced with such a
possibility. You know by its consequences in your, and other's lives,
that what you did was not good, not Godly, and you can amend your life
in accordance with that knowledge - and also, maybe help others who may
be tempted to fall into the same trap. And I think you'll agree that it
was a big trap.
We all make mistakes, and we all fall short of our highest ideals. It
is the human condition. But the important thing to remember is that in
every moment, we can make a new start, and we can change our ways of
looking at things so that we don't repeat those mistakes again. The
consciousness of guilt and remorse is the way we know we have done the
wrong thing, and it speaks well of you that you are taking that to
heart, rather than continuing to justify your actions.
But also I would add that you must forgive yourself. Stop dwelling on
those feelings of regret, stop beating up on yourself, wipe the slate
clean and start fresh with your life. This might be a good
time to re-assess what love really means to you...? With God's help,
fearlessly address the personal shortcomings that created the mental
atmosphere in you in which you felt justified to proceed with your
acts, and ask him for healing in those areas. It may not
happen overnight, but it will happen if you remain sincere of heart.
Most importantly, remember you are a beloved child of God -
stand firmly on that solid truth - and he will never forsake
you when you ask him for his help and mercy.