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Doggy Haiku

Dignity and Imprudence by Sir Edwin Landseer

I love my human;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-dead squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend - come to kill us all
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill us all!
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats

I sound the alarm!
Dinner guests - come to kill us all
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.