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Marriage infidelity

Q: I am in love with a lady but she is cheating on me and I think about it too much which is affecting my academic life in school...I mostly try to forget her but it seems impossible and not working so please - what should I do?

A:  If you are in love with someone and they are not loving you back, this is a very painful situation. She is evidently not feeling about you as you feel for her. You don't say whether the two of you have an "understanding" between you—whether the two of you had decided to have an exclusive relationship...but if you did have such an agreement, then this betrayal is very serious, and grounds for terminating any further relationship with her. You seem to understand this, but you say that it seems impossible to forget her, even though it is hurting your academic life.

Only you can turn this problem around...try to see this situation as a learning experience. If someone proves themselves unworthy of you, then this is really a blessing, that you found it out before you went any further. You can be grateful that you did not actually marry her. That knowledge alone should make you feel better.

Thank God for showing you the truth and then pray for new opportunities to come into your life—new relationships and new possibilities are waiting, but only if you can place your focus on the future, and not the past. This one that you are fixated on right now is obviously not the one for you...even if you could somehow win her back, do you want someone who doesn't respect you, or love you?

As a beloved child of God, you are worthy of the highest and the best kind of love—the kind of love that is true and real, devoted and pure—the kind of love that comes from God. And God is the real source of all true love. His supply is never-ending. Pray to God—use this time to concentrate on your inner self, and your relationship with God. Learn to see yourself as a noble and worthy man, and this will help you to gain more self-respect, so that you can attract a woman who will respect you as you respect yourself. Again, this can be a valuable learning experience for you, if you really want to overcome this situation, and you are willing to see new truth about yourself.

Jesus taught:

156:5.14 Spiritual living mightily increases true self-respect. But self-respect is not self-admiration. Self-respect is always co-ordinate with the love and service of one’s fellows. It is not possible to respect yourself more than you love your neighbor; the one is the measure of the capacity for the other.

One way to increase your self-respect is to immerse yourself in service to others, which will take your mind off of your own problems. Find someone who needs your help and then do something they really want done, without expecting anything in return. Lose your feelings of sadness and betrayal as you devote yourself to helping someone else. As you do this, your focus will change, and your life will improve. This will take effort on your part, but the results will be worth it.

Thanks again for writing, and I hope that this reply has been helpful...

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:: Author: Staff